Get Under The Table
"Seek to understand before being understood."
There is a famous story attributed to Rebbe Nachman of Brazlov that goes like this:
Once there was a prince who went insane and believed himself to be a rooster. He took off all his clothes and lived naked under a table, “pecking” at his food off the floor and only making sounds like a rooster.
The King was horrified. He tried every trick in the book to shake his son out of his trance. He brought in expert after expert, with no results. His son continued crowing like a rooster, crouching naked under the table, believing himself to be a rooster.
One day, a wise person came in to see the prince. He approached the prince at the table, underneath which the prince was crouching naked. Unlike all the other experts, the wise person did not try to reason, yell, threaten, or cast any kind of magic spell on the prince. Instead, the wise person slowly removed all of his clothes as well. He got under the table with the prince.
“You are a rooster?” The wise person asked. “That is interesting. I’m a rooster too.” The wise person pecked and crouched and “cock-a-doodle-doo-d” with the prince under the table for a while. Finally, after several hours of this, the wise person said, “hey, did you know that roosters wear clothes? I’m going to put my clothes back on.” He started to dress himself. The prince watched him closely for a second, and then the prince started putting his own clothes back on.
After a bit more time, the wise person said, “hey, did you know that roosters can eat food on top of the table?” and he began eating his food on top of the table. The prince followed suit. Slowly, one action at a time, the wise person was able to bring the prince back to his senses.
This story has always been incredibly moving to me. Whenever I’ve been in a painful or difficult situation, other people trying to solve, fix, or talk at me, before truly understanding what is happening, makes the pain so much worse.
On the other hand, when someone takes the time to really listen, to “get under the table” with me, to see the entire world through my vantage point, so much of the pain is lifted. So much of the suffering eases. Whether or not they offer any concrete solutions to my problem (or even agree with me!), the gift of their deep listening is often the most profound “solution” I could have wished for.
Likewise, I want to bring this “rooster” energy to others – to listen as deeply as I can before seeking to change or fix.
